note to self-

ape girl gone nuts.
over peanuts and thoughts
not hers.

evidence thrown out
into bins labeled
not for sale
ever.

uncanny how real these ideas
look with name tags
all properly sewn on
by hand.

"whose hand?" is the creepy part.

castle walls tumbling down
blocks as large as boulders,
but all is safe.

these weigh nothing.

as they are made out of air.

the scary part was the anticipation
as always.

now she lives all tower and sky scraper free
in a small room
just large enough to house
herself, her brain
and her cat.

her brain takes up the entire
living room.
she must live in the kitchen.
the cat takes the toilet bowl.

thankfully at night
she can squeeze into bed and slumber off.
sleep comes for her these days like the police.
"take her in boys. she's had enough."

exploration in madness?
finally, this is no book of
"what ifs."

this is the story of is.

and what is, is not as forgiving as insanity.

counting stars again, the ones she can remember,
it appears that all her favorite
goddesses have ascended into
constellation form.

drawing lines between bright spots in the sky,
her friends appear to her,
though far far away.

driving past the ocean,
on the way to topanga
the waves remembered
to say hi.

that felt nice.

trees still twist around and make
patterns on clouds,
front gardens are still polite enough
to swim by on walks
and not say a word.

to anybody.

there are a myriad of things to be done.
she just cannot think of
why she should do them,
except that, it
would take the silence away.

changing the chatter
from what is wrong with the world
to what is right,
has just
quieted things down lately.
that's all.

the suits still fit, but hang
in the closet.
day after day.

she is sewing a new one.
with her own hands this one.
and even though she's never worked a sewing machine
it will still be prettier then anything else
she ever owned.

because
it
will be
hers.